I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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