dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Small penises have feelings too.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
