i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
