When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
