A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He felt like a one man threesome
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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