You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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