I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
