Barsexuality is the new black.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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