The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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