I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
