Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
