every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Are my feet made of real feet?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize