just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
