I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
