i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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