She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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