Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
