puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
