the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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