OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
