also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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