I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
