for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
