Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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