Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
