yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
