he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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