He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
