what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
