There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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