Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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