why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She's the barista slut.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
