Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I touched a dick in church today
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
