You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
