Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
