i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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