I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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