I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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