Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
