If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
