She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
