can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
