College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My pussy is not your playground.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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