Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
