my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
