dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
