nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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