so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
