True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
