he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
